Outburst

In the midst of a talk about life struggles and hardships, and on the topic of relationships, we began talking about being single and finding that person that’s for you. I, being 110% single and not loving it at all, found what my friend had to say to be very powerful, even though it wasn’t the first time I had heard it before:

“Once you’re finally okay with being by yourself and independent, and once you’re set, someone will come out of no where”

Like I said, I’ve heard this multiple times before. So how are you supposed to stop looking? How are you supposed to push feelings away, especially with Singles Awareness Day coming up? How am I supposed to stop looking for something that is persistently haunting me? I want to feel what it’s like, at least a little bit. Just to give me a little more hope. Then, maybe, I’ll learn to be okay with myself. With being by myself. Is that wrong of me to want that?

It was only pretty recently that I knew for sure what I wanted, or who I wanted, and it was only after that that I started being affected by it. Like all the feelings were bottled up, shaken violently, and then released to gush out in a carbonated geyser of loneliness and negativity. It’s too much to take in, and too much to bottle up again. All I want now is for something to make up for what I’ve missed out on in life for having it bottled up. I just want something that makes me feel like a normal person. Is that too much to ask for?